Hoping Again

I am having a major sense of Deja-vu. Well, no, I am actually past that point by a little bit. This week, we received, signed, notarized and mailed an update to our embryo adoption contract. We have a preliminary ok, and are waiting for the final word that everything is in order with Embryo Adoption Services of Cedar Park and our contract will be open for another 12 months. I weaned Ellie a week ago, and met with the Reproductive Endocrinologist this week to re-establish care.

It was approximately at this point in 2013 that I did *not* wean Hannah or sign a contract or go back to the RE's office. At that point in time I was nervous about proceeding with another embryo transfer (when  I thought we were going to do one). Right now, I am excited and hopeful. Other than the whole medicated cycle deal, I feel emotionally like I did when we were hoping to conceive 7 odd years ago. I have every reason to believe things will go well, and am looking forward to the process, and it's really hard for me to fathom that I am in this place again. Talk about restoring the time the locusts had stolen!

I am not the person who normally would post this sort of thing. With my previous pregnancies, I barely mentioned them online at all. That was largely because I was coming from a place of loss and self-protectiveness, which was absolutely what I needed at the time. Right now though, I am not in that cocoon mode. I feel very whole, and I am not afraid to chronicle this process as it unfolds, whatever the outcome.

That being said, here's what I know is coming up:

1.) I have to wait until my next period to put 1 full cycle between nursing and transfer prepping.
2.) I am waiting for the final word that the paperwork is complete, and that should come within a month; I'm not expecting any delays on that front.
3.) Once my next cycle starts, I have a script for continuous-dose birth control to start shutting down my ovaries. Last time I was on that for 6 weeks prior to transfer.
4.) I will need to have a hysteroscopy before I'll be cleared by the RE to be placed on a transfer timeline. (This is new, last time it was a sonohysterogram).

After that all clears, I'll get meds ordered and get a schedule for monitoring and transfer! Also, to my great relief, I learned that my RE's office has a satelite 20 minutes from my house so I won't have to make the 5 hour round trip again until the actual embryo transfer.

The girls went with me to the appointment and Hannah got to meet the doctor who put her in my tummy. He was so glad to see them, and I got to be properly mortified that all Hannah wanted to do was flip upside down in the chair and show her bottom side. *sigh* They even had her birth announcement in my chart- what an amazing experience to be in that office without the anxiety and sense of dread I remember from before.

The other highlight of the week was getting Ellie's next clothing size unpacked and discovering that one of the little dresses matches one of Hannah's. It must have been a really popular style, both of them are hand me downs! Here are the little darlings the morning of my RE appointment.

The Myth

In August of 2010, I was infertile and childless, waiting for a call that didn't seem to be coming any time soon. Judge Royce C. Lamberth, whose parental status I don't know, was, at that time, issuing a ruling that President Obama couldn't single-handedly overturn congressional laws regarding federal funding of embryonic stem cell research. I was reading about it on the internet, in an article much like this one: http://chronicle.com/article/Federal-Judge-Overturns-Oba/124106/ I don't actually remember the article, or the news provider, and I honestly don't remember the articles "take" on the subject, if there was one.

Because I was moderately depressed anyway, and unable to tear myself away from the train wreck of opinions, I spent quite a bit of time reading the comments under the article. It contained the usual hate speech regarding presidents both past and present (but mostly past), protests regarding international conflicts, and a lot of wrath aimed at pro-life activists. There was, as always comes up when embryos are mentioned, a veritable stream of animosity aimed at people who can't have children, but pursue getting help in doing so anyway, since, of course, they should just accept their childless state as nature's way of phasing their obviously defective genes off of an overpopulated planet. 

And then, in the middle of all of that, there was this comment, edited because I don't remember the exact comment and had no wish to save it:

"The right-wing religious nuts want us to believe the myth that there are embryos available for adoption, but their lie is halting the progress of science"

And here's the kicker: nobody contested it. I was flabbergasted.  I almost, and I do mean I came thisclose, signed up for whatever news site it was, ready to brave the stream of spam it would bring to my inbox, just to address the issue. I wish I had, even though the comment was roughly 12 pages back on a small article that nobody would be reading even 3 days later.

You see, the call I had been waiting for was for one of those "mythical" embryo adoptions. We had put in our application, and were just waiting to be contacted. I was in contact with families who had children born from adopted embryos. I had gone through paperwork, bloodwork, house inspections, and fingerprinting to qualify to adopt an embryo. I was praying that even now a family was looking at our profile, asking themselves if we were the right couple to give their babies a chance to continue life. This was no myth.

That terminology has haunted me all the way through this process. I was reminded of it today as I spent half an hour dangling my hair in my baby's face and listening to her shriek with laughter, and I thought- "I'm not making this up!" There were hundreds of angry people on that website wanting to dissect her little life cell by cell and perform experiments with her remains, but we wanted her for her own sake. So this blog is, in part, for the unbelievers out there, those who think that there are only two options for embryos in animated suspension: death via discarding, or death via research, and that the possibility of life with loving, biologically unrelated parents is a myth:

We're here.